There are so many situations and so many reasons why married couples divorce. Sexual Immorality, Money, Abuse. However, these many reasons and every unique situation stems from the same vine. This vine is selfishness.
Divorce surrounds us all. Much like a cancer, if it hasn’t affected you personally, it has affected many close friends or relatives. Divorce is a word that is consumed by fear. So many people are scared of marriage ("now a days"), scared of commitment, scared of getting hurt, scared of being vulnerable. Scared & Fearful of losing self, exposing self, and sharing self. Committing to a union & partnership that requires compromise, which equates to less of self. This breeds fear because life is all about self. It’s all about me, my wants, my needs, my happiness, in my timing in this nanosecond new world. I want it now, more, better, faster and with variety. Are we so deceived? We are so deceived! Deception is livin’ large these days. Deception is the Prince of the World.
So why divorce? Obviously some one's needs are not being met and if
1's needs are not being met, then 2's needs are probably being failed as well. The major causes of divorce are sex and money. In so many cases when a couple divorces, there is a third party involved and waiting, a he or a she or the money. Needs are not being met, one way or another. It’s all about me and mine. Now as a man, writing from a man’s perspective, it's no secret, the majority of men live for sex. That is not our only need or desire, but it is a major one. And just like a women’s major need is emotional intimacy and that also needs to be fulfilled. So, man + penis =sex & women + emotionally satisfied = sex. However, in saying all that, this is what I really want to say…
In marriage, sex can not be neglected. It is man's central need. I'm not just talking about sex out of obligation or "lazy sex" (lay on your back and penetrate a hole). I'm talking about getting back to the initial "honeymoon" phase but better and bolder. Renewing and restoring the initial passion, the virginal obsession, steamy fantasies and youthful lusts. Divorce happens because sex runs dry, becomes routine, a task or is lost all together. Somewhere, somehow the adventure and variety go missing and that loss leads to a lost marriage. Someone in the relationship moves into a emotional or sexual affair to fill the void and to feel wanted, valued, desired, relieved, passion, danger, excited, and a "rush" of deliverance. For married couples it is so easy to bump sex down the priority list. We have a lot of commitments to fulfill. We got the kids, the job, the hobbies, we're tired and lazy. The needs of "the first love" (husband and wife union) are lacking, puttin' off, forgotten and left-over. But unlike pizza and lasagna, marriage don't taste as good left over. It's easy to say tomorrow, or later and then it just becomes a thought of the past. We must not let the fire go out. Marriage is worth it, and baby it's time for a poke and a stoke to fan this passion into a burning flame.
Some days things will get in the way, but it is time to seize the day. Be creative, be invested, be a giver and you will receive. Surrender to each other's desires, needs and fantasies.
Don't allow sex to tumble down your priority list, or one day a successful marriage will be missed.
My wife, I desire you more today then ever before. You are so beautiful in character and appearance. The way you mother our child is so amazing to me. You are even sexier now then when we first met. I am truly blessed to have you as a best-friend, a beautiful wife, a gifted mother, and a divine lover.
